Follower!

I have a follower! Thanks, Libby! Now I have to think of something to say. Something profound. Something deep. Hmmm....Nope. It's just not coming to me.

Wait, maybe I do have something to say.

Today I struggled with time management. I had to be at work at 2, so I had the morning to...get stuff done. I didn't want to...get stuff done. I didn't like the things I had to get done, cleaning the kitchen, dining room, living room, do the laundry, clean my bedroom, you know the drill. All the stuff we have to do, but don't like doing. I kept being distracted by e-mail and facebook. I was so completely A.D.D. I would start one thing, move to another, then back to the first thing, and so on. I would listen to the radio, turn it off, etc. It was a beautiful day. I wanted to be outside, but because of my very poor time management what I needed to get done just wasn't getting done, and there was that 2:00 deadline. Finally I managed to make a dent in the work. Kitchen was cleaned, Living room and dining room picked up, bed made, clothes hung up and put away, laundry folded and delivered to appropriate rooms. I took a shower, and made it to work only a few minutes late...(woops).

Then I went to Frank and Barbara's Bible study tonight. Frank read about a nun who wrote about the most mundane tasks she had to do (she was a nurse) - that she would do it "all for Jesus." Clean the bedpans? All for Jesus. Bathe a patient? All for Jesus. Change the sheets? All for Jesus.

I thought about all the mundane things I'm called to do. I'm oh, so tempted to hate them, to resent them, to think I have better, more important things to do. But if I just changed my perspective to the fact that everything I do is ALL for Jesus, perhaps my attitude will change a bit, and I will have joy in my work, in my service for Him. He's done so much for me. Nothing is too menial for me to do for Him.

bedtime and boredom.

It's 10:29 p.m. on a Saturday night. Nothing else to do. Kids are all in bed. One, possibly two are in my bed, because theirs are covered with STUFF that they either don't want to deal with, or don't know what to do with, or haven't just plain old made the time to deal with because there are other things screaming for their attention. Ok. I can't be too hard on them. I do the same all the time. Sometimes it just takes inspiration. I watched 2 movies with the kids this afternoon. Too much idleness. However, I wasn't motivated to do anything else, after driving 14 hours over the last 2 days, and dealing with some intensely emotional and serious issues I was ready to chill a bit. I guess it was ok. Nothing was screaming for my attention.

I just get irritable when I'm too idle. I feel like I'm wasting time, and I feel guilty. Then I get grouchy, and irritable, and I start to find fault with the kids, and mostly with me.

I'm in a weird mood. It may be hormonal, and will pass in a day or two. I sure hope so. I also miss Charlie. I miss my mate. My Partner. My equal, my friend, my husband.

I don't want to whine about being a single mother. God has blessed me in so many ways. He has made it so we're not strained financially. We still must be careful, but we're ok. Not hurting. We had a good marriage, not a divorce with hard feelings. That is a blessing. Less baggage to deal with. It's just hard to do the job of parenting that really was intended to be done by two people, with just one. Managing a household works better with two. Different ones handle different aspects of it. Now one has to do all, as best as she can. Parenting works better with two. Different people handle different aspects better. Some get chores organized, and kids disciplined, others handle the relationship aspects. Then sometimes those roles flip/flop. But it does work better when there are two. That's as it was intended. But things happen. People die. And the rest of us have to adjust. Better to have loved and lost.... Yes it is. Than never to have loved at all.

I don't really want to go to bed right now. But there's nothing else to do. No one to talk to. I kind of want to cry, but there's no one really to cry with. I don't want to cry with my kids. That's just not right. If Charlie were here, I'd cry with him. He'd let me.

Maybe I'll get in bed and read, if Abby will let me. (Wait a minute, it IS my bed isn't it? - That's the problem with kids sleeping in bed with you.)

I'm blogging!

Well, I finally got a blog spot, and now I'm going to have to figure out how to use it. I'm used to e-mail, and finally facebook. So this is something new. Hopefully it will give me a place to write down and organize thoughts. We'll see where it leads. Now I must go. Things to do.