Back to Blogging! The last time I wrote anything was October, 2009.  It is now January, 2014.  How time has gone by.  What has happened in the meantime?  Much.  and not so much.

Oh yes.  Too much.  Heartache, pain, hurt.  Joy, tears.  Life.  An uphill climb.  A son on drugs, a stint in Military school, a suicide attempt and drug rehab.  Then more drugs, Juvie, Drug Court. Drug tests, lack of trust,  Anger.    His towards me.  Mine towards him.

The good news is, that after all of that, my dear son is alive.  He graduated from High School with honors, got a very good scholarship to UAB.

The sad news is, I lost my son.  I lost a close relationship with him. He will still say he loves me, but I don't feel loved by him.  All I feel is his anger towards me.  I love him so much it hurts, and it hurts so badly that I don't have that sweet, close relationship I crave.  I lost it when he was young, as he was only in 4th grade when his dad was diagnosed with cancer.  Multiple Myeloma, along with TTP, short for Thrombotic Thrombosytopenic Purpura.  A life threatening blood disorder. From that time on, my time was split between being with my husband while in the hospital with tubes hanging out of his carotid artery, to be used for exchanging his unhealthy plasma with donor plasma.  Each exchange took hours, and he had to have sometimes 2/day.

Between that and going to Arkansas for treatment for sometimes weeks or more at a time for Charlie's treatment for the Multiple Myeloma, which included 2 bone marrow transplants, using his own stem cells.   I missed much of the dear, sweet time of raising John.  Raising my son.   Being there for him when he came home from school, did homework, played.  My daughter Abby took over that role as best as she could.